There are 10 kinds of people in the world...

those who understand binary and those who don't.

(for those who don't get the joke, binary is a computer code made up entirely of ones and zeros. Ten doesn't exist in binary only 1/0.)

Gender is also a binary equation. There are two possibilities, male and female. While much has been written recently within the trans community about the terms transgender and transsexual, the emotional component of that debate can be summed up easily in the above joke. There are two kinds of people in this world, those that are comfortable with the gender binary and those that aren't.

This can be seen readily in most walks of life. Straight people aren't immune from the gender binary. There are those that fit easily into the correct classification, girly girls or manly men. There are those that don't. Amongst those that don't there are those that are quite comfortable with themselves and those that aren't. I have straight male friends that are very comfortable with their feminine attributes. The majority of straight people however hide or are uncomfortable with any significant gender variance.

Gay people too struggle with the gender binary. There is a long and ongoing debate about gender variance in the gay community. Many gay men argue that they are “just like other men” and that any real or perceived gender variance is a stereotype. Others continue to insist that gay men show a much higher level of gender variance.

Trans people struggle the most openly with our societies binary. It might be easy for an outsider to assume that all trans people fall into the “uncomfortable with the gender binary” group, that we are the ultimate gender outlaws. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact I would say that the trans community is just about evenly divided between those that can't understand the gender binary and those that are quite happy with it, with the sole exception of where they have personally been placed in it.

One group, typically associated with the word Transgender, views gender as a spectrum. For them there are 10 (ten) kinds of people. Everyone has a gender that falls somewhere on a scale of one to ten. One is male, 10 is female. Not all women score a perfect ten nor do all men score a one. Instead our gender is somewhere near one side or another and we live with the sex we are born as. Or it doesn't and we are transgender. If a male is a four on the gender scale he may be happy living as a man, but occasionally feel the need to express his feminine side through crossdressing. A born male who scores a 7 might live as a woman but not feel the need for SRS, whereas an nine or ten on the same scale might need to fully transition to be happy.

The other group, typically associated with the word Transsexual, views gender as a binary. For them there are 1/0 kinds of people, male/female. Gender expression may be on a spectrum, but gender is not. A woman might be “butch” and gender non-conforming but she's still a woman. A cross dresser might have a feminine side but this does not make him a woman. You are one or the other. From the perspective of a gender binary, transition is going from one binary to the other. Stopping in between simply doesn't compute.

One of the greatest gifts I got from the LGBT community is the idea that you are who you are. There is no point arguing about it, just deal. This is true if you born gay, straight or Trans. It's also true if you were born comfortable with the binary or not. The Transsexuals need to stop referring to (and preferably stop thinking of) Transgender as freaks because they (the transsexuals) can't comprehend living inbetween genders. The Transgender for their part, need to stop implying that transsexual are not as enlightened because we are happy within the binary. We have enough real world issues in common to work on, we need bury the hatchet on this one.

I am discovering through my transition, that I am more of a binary person than I would have thought. While I support the transgender umbrella, and want us to be a whole community, I identify myself as a woman first and a transsexual second. I support the rights of those who are gender variant, but now that I have transitioned my own behavior doesn't qualify. I am pretty much a normal woman, the only variance is my history.

The Bodhisattva work in mysterious ways

According to Buddhist philosophy we are all enlightened being, bodhisattvas; we just don't know it yet. We are also all simple human beings, fragile and precious. Our conscious minds are clouded with delusions, delusions which prevent us from seeing either end of this paradox. Which is why the second precept, or noble truth, is some times put like this; ignorance is the root of all evil. When people do bad things, they have either forgotten that they are perfect souls, or have forgotten that the other is a fragile and precious human being.


I know this consciously, and much of the time I can live within this understanding. However, watching the video of Chrissy Lee Polis being beaten at a Baltimore McDonald's sorely tested me. My initial reaction was one of anger. When asked to sign a petition my first thought was; “can I write my name on my shoe and stamp my signature on one of those girl's forehead?”

As if to add insult onto injury, one of the McDonald's staff recorded the scene with his cellphone and posted it on line. Chrissy asked him to stop, but like the girls he was indifferent to her suffering. Now the video has gone viral, being viewed by thousands around the country. For his indifference he may face charges, and probably he should.


I wrote a blog about this a few days ago on Xanga. I got several dozen of comments, on Xanga and Facebook. They expressed shock, outrage and disgust. “I felt sick to my stomach” one Facebook friend told me. My readers saw Chrissy's humanity, saw her frailty and her preciousness. It's a shame the girls didn't.


Bodhisattva means compassionate warrior. According the American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, a bodhisattva goes to the heart of suffering without flinching and without reservation. It means to do what we can to alleviate the suffering of others, but more importantly we go even when we can't do anything.


Watching that video is an act of Bodhisattva. We can't change what happened to Chrissy. Boycotting McDonald's, bringing the girls, or the man, to justice won't undo the assault. Chrissy will have to live with what happened to her. It would easy to sweep it under the rug. It would be easy to look away, to click the x and pretend the assault never happened.


We don't. We watch, and watch. Why? Because we see her suffering and our hearts go out to her. It is an act of compassion. Chrissy may never know or benefit from our compassion, but we do. Compassion is like a muscle, one we use too little in our society, it needs exercise.


The assault was an act of indifference. The girls were capable of such brutality because they did not see Chrissy as fully human. They couldn't connect to her suffering, couldn't feel compassion for her. The guy who did the taping? I can't say what was in his mind at the time. Perhaps he too was indifferent and insensitive. Maybe all he could think about was how many hits this would get on line, not how many hits Chrissy had to endure. Or perhaps his higher self, his Bodhisattva held the camera there because we all needed to see. We needed to have our compassion tested in this way.


If we can build our compassion, we can learn to see everyone as human first, and black, white, gay, straight, trans, Muslim, etc. second or not at all. If we build our compassion, then the next time something like this happens compassion might overcome fear, like the one elderly lady who tried to help. Maybe next time everyone will step forward. Maybe it won't happen again. I would like to think that, but my mind says its unlikely. More likely we will have to witness acts of brutality again and again.


In fact in the few short days since the assault happened we have seen other acts of brutality, against other trans individuals, against gay men, against American Muslims, against blacks, pretty much against anyone that is viewed as different, outside the norm. Faced with these acts it would be easy to give into despair and inaction. Instead I choose to view each act as another chance to exercise our compassion, both as individuals and as a society.


I hope that we can let the Bodhisattva in all of us grow until such acts are truly unthinkable. It will be the work of many lifetimes, but a work that is worthy our lives.

Fatherhood?

I had to go to my son's school the other day. the reason isn't that important to the story, so we will skip that. Going to his school is always something of an adventure for me for a couple of reasons.

I have some issues around school. My own experience in Elementary school were less than positive. Junior high, on the other hand, was far worse. High school was bad too, but it started to get better towards the end. Junior high was the height of many negatives in my life. I got teased a lot and felt like everyone was against me.

That was many years ago. That was another Junior High School. Still, I have to keep reminding myself of this every time I walk into those halls.

In fact my status at my son's school is very different, not just because I have gone from being an awkward kid to an adult and a parent. I have also become a minor celebrity. I am "Forest's dad". I doubt any other father hears "That's so and so dad." whispered in hushed tones of awe as they pass by. But then again I don't think any of the other father's in that school are women either.

Of all the strange roles and situations that a transgender person finds themselves in, this is perhaps the oddest. I try to live out the role as graciously as possible. I walk in, smile, hold out my hand and say, "Hi, I am Rachel, Forest's father." I get a few double takes are first, but the teachers and staff so far have been wonderful.


To my surprise, so have the kids. Early in my transition it was hard to walk into a school building and not see the faces of the kids that tormented me when I was young. But as I have gone on field trips, picked my son up after school and gone to conferences, I have gotten to know some of the kids. I am, to my surprise, one of the "cool" parents.

The kids have changed too. they no longer resemble the kids who once tormented me. They are just kids again. Kids that need role models. Role models that tell them they can be true to themselves and still find a way in this world. Role models that show that you don't have to be one of the popular kids to grow up successful and happy. I just hope that I can be that role model.